A 2017 To Remember.......

Sabi nga ni ate Shawi sa kanyang kanta, "Mabuti pa kaya'y maging bituing walang ningning, kung kapalit nito'y walang paglaho mong pagtingin......". ( May pinag huhugutan lang mga besh......=) )
I was not able to blog the past few months (ok so almost a year now) because I had been pre-occupied with a new role that was given by the Filipino Community here in Dubai. Aaminin ko it was really tiring at first but soon after I came to realize that I did have the talent for the responsibility that they have given me. And it became clear that this was the purpose that I have been waiting for. Nakaka-takot siya nung una, lalo na't napaka controversial ng position, Grabe sa daming bashers. My only consolation is that I was backed up by a great leader who believed in me and in uniting everyone in the community.

I wanted to comemorate the role that I had and what better way to do that than to blog it diba?  after all yan ang ang isa sa mga natutunan ko this past few years, it is to just write and write and write, keber na kung may followers or wala.... hahahaha. I like that I come to love what I do at my own pace. this blog is now a place where I can write my thoughts before it slips my mind. =)
Now let me start with the positive things before dwelling into a more downbeat tune.

1. It feels great to have a responsibility that you are passionate about.

2. I have met a lot of Filipinos here in the UAE ( and in fairness totoo talaga na halos sa lahat ng kanto may pinoy dito.)

3. I have met a lot of influential Pinoys - from Government Officials, Entrepreneurs, artists, etc.

4. It gave me a new perspective when it comes to how diverse our culture is, and how patriotic the Filipinos are in preserving our culture even if wala tayo sa sariling bansa natin.

5. I have met new friends that are now/was like family to me.


NOW...... for the negative part of all of it, honestly I wanted to do this for such a long time but was holding it back kasi people might think "ay ang bitter siguro nya?!?!", and maybe I was at first. But sino ba naman ang hindi diba? with great powers ika nga comes great responsibilities...... And who am I to kid myself para hindi ko aminin sa sarili ko na hindi ko ginusto all the attention and the little bit of fame that goes with it. Not to mention all the free invites na napuntahan ko. All the places that I was able to go in a span of a year. I have visited all of the seven Emirates of the UAE. I have stayed in a lot of hotels for free and have gone to so many parties, graduations, commencement exercises, family gatherings, weddings, etc. etc. etc..... It was like being in Politics. Kaso yun nga, I was not a politican. Still, I experienced all the hate, bashings, name-callings, back-stabbing and other things that I will not dwell into deeper. And because of that, it made me prioritize  na i have to please others instead of me trying to please myself. It also came to a point that even though pagod na ako, I still need to go out kasi I have promised somebody na mag aattend ako. I was also doing what other people are doing, which made me feel na I have gained a poor character because of it.
It was hard for me at first to finally admit sa sarili ko na my actions were wrong, and the main reason I live in this life is to try to be a good human being, to be fair and just (Charot!! hehehe.....) I let myself become a person that I hated the most. I was no better than them, kasi ako din mismo, I was calling out on other people. I bash, gossip and talk about them behind their backs. It was not a pretty sight at all

Finally, because of all of this realization about myself., I decided that I had to let go. As much as I love to volunteer and serve, I need to let myself free of the things that gives more pain than joy. The satisfaction and contentment of being a volunteer over weighted the stress and anxiety it gave me and my loved ones. through this, I finally learned to walked away from whats keeping me unhealthy and unhappy because it is true what they say that, No one can serve two masters at the same time.  (I know this is from the Bible, just getting an excerpt....)

As much as I want to tell myself that I am mature enough to face the battles and trials that will lie ahead, I had to face the fact that i'm no superhero. My personality doesn't give me the capacity to be positive all the time. I know I have to be selfish for myself because this keeps me sane. This gives me the feeling that I still have control of my life and not by someone else.

Well, medyo mahaba na ung drama ko and medyo nauubos narin ang words ko sa utak. Atleast nasulat ko na kahit papano regading how I feel about everything that happend. And when I look back at this blog, I hope I can tell myself that I did the right thing. Sa tingin man ng iba ay mali ako, in the end I had to to what is right for me. and this blog will be a reminder of that..........





No comments: