Sabi nga ni ate Shawi sa kanyang kanta, "Mabuti pa
kaya'y maging bituing walang ningning, kung kapalit nito'y walang paglaho mong
pagtingin......". ( May pinag huhugutan lang mga besh......=) )
I was not able to blog the past few months (ok so almost a
year now) because I had been pre-occupied with a new role that was given by the
Filipino Community here in Dubai. Aaminin ko it was really tiring at first but
soon after I came to realize that I did have the talent for the responsibility
that they have given me. And it became clear that this was the purpose that I
have been waiting for. Nakaka-takot siya nung una, lalo na't napaka
controversial ng position, Grabe sa daming bashers. My only consolation is that
I was backed up by a great leader who believed in me and in uniting everyone in
the community.
I wanted to comemorate the role that I had and what better
way to do that than to blog it diba?
after all yan ang ang isa sa mga natutunan ko this past few years, it is
to just write and write and write, keber na kung may followers or wala....
hahahaha. I like that I come to love what I do at my own pace. this blog is now
a place where I can write my thoughts before it slips my mind. =)
Now let me start with the positive things before dwelling
into a more downbeat tune.
1. It feels great to have a responsibility that you are
passionate about.
2. I have met a lot of Filipinos here in the UAE ( and in
fairness totoo talaga na halos sa lahat ng kanto may pinoy dito.)
3. I have met a lot of influential Pinoys - from Government
Officials, Entrepreneurs, artists, etc.
4. It gave me a new perspective when it comes to how diverse
our culture is, and how patriotic the Filipinos are in preserving our culture
even if wala tayo sa sariling bansa natin.
5. I have met new friends that are now/was like family to
me.
NOW...... for the negative part of all of it, honestly I
wanted to do this for such a long time but was holding it back kasi people
might think "ay ang bitter siguro nya?!?!", and maybe I was at first.
But sino ba naman ang hindi diba? with great powers ika nga comes great
responsibilities...... And who am I to kid myself para hindi ko aminin sa
sarili ko na hindi ko ginusto all the attention and the little bit of fame that
goes with it. Not to mention all the free invites na napuntahan ko. All the
places that I was able to go in a span of a year. I have visited all of the
seven Emirates of the UAE. I have stayed in a lot of hotels for free and have
gone to so many parties, graduations, commencement exercises, family gatherings,
weddings, etc. etc. etc..... It was like being in Politics. Kaso yun nga, I was
not a politican. Still, I experienced all the hate, bashings, name-callings,
back-stabbing and other things that I will not dwell into deeper. And because
of that, it made me prioritize na i have
to please others instead of me trying to please myself. It also came to a point
that even though pagod na ako, I still need to go out kasi I have promised
somebody na mag aattend ako. I was also doing what other people are doing,
which made me feel na I have gained a poor character because of it.
It was hard for me at first to finally admit sa sarili ko na
my actions were wrong, and the main reason I live in this life is to try to be
a good human being, to be fair and just (Charot!! hehehe.....) I let myself
become a person that I hated the most. I was no better than them, kasi ako din
mismo, I was calling out on other people. I bash, gossip and talk about them
behind their backs. It was not a pretty sight at all
Finally, because of all of this realization about myself., I
decided that I had to let go. As much as I love to volunteer and serve, I need
to let myself free of the things that gives more pain than joy. The
satisfaction and contentment of being a volunteer over weighted the stress and
anxiety it gave me and my loved ones. through this, I finally learned to walked
away from whats keeping me unhealthy and unhappy because it is true what they
say that, No one can serve two masters at the same time. (I know this is from the Bible, just getting
an excerpt....)
As much as I want to tell myself that I am mature enough to
face the battles and trials that will lie ahead, I had to face the fact that
i'm no superhero. My personality doesn't give me the capacity to be positive all
the time. I know I have to be selfish for myself because this keeps me sane.
This gives me the feeling that I still have control of my life and not by
someone else.
Well, medyo mahaba na ung drama ko and medyo nauubos narin
ang words ko sa utak. Atleast nasulat ko na kahit papano regading how I feel
about everything that happend. And when I look back at this blog, I hope I can
tell myself that I did the right thing. Sa tingin man ng iba ay mali ako, in
the end I had to to what is right for me. and this blog will be a reminder of
that..........
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